


Letters To Forget // TayNew

by alian_lianalane



Category: New Thitipoom - Fandom, Tay Tawan - Fandom, Taynew, รักไม่ระบุสถานะ | Dark Blue Kiss (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26154019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alian_lianalane/pseuds/alian_lianalane
Summary: "Would it be better if we just forget? What if I didn't want to?"
Relationships: New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

The doorbell woke up the sleeping body of New. He groggily stood up and went to get the door. He wasn't expecting anyone at this time of day. So he thought that Gun might be the one outside.

"You know it's too early to disturb-" He opened the door expecting it to be the little one, only to see someone he never expected to show up in his apartment. He suddenly woke up like he just got a huge dose of caffeine. The woman standing in front of her was Tay Tawan's manager. Not only that, she looked drained.

"What are you doing here? Are you okay? What's wrong? " He asked the her and she just smiled sadly before answering.

"New, sorry for the early disturbance but, I need you to read this." she pulled out a bunch of letters from her bag and gave it to New who hesitantly received it.

"What are these? No offense to you, but I swear if this is Tay's trick to talk to me again, I won't fall for it. can't he just move on?" anger was suddenly evident in New's voice but he tried to tone it done, hoping he won't upset the woman in front of her.

"If only that was just a trick. Don't worry, New. Just contact me when after you've read all of it." The manager smiled again before leaving New, still confused about the letter. He went back inside his apartment again and placed the letters on his dining table. He messaged Gun, hoping the little guy knows something, but the latter is also confused. New told Gun to come over so he can read the letters together. He took a bath and waited for his best friend.

But he's taking so long. New ended up grabbing the letters and sat down on his couch. He wanted to know what all the letters was all about. He read the first letter, and the next, until he wished he waited until Gun came.


	2. Letter 1

_ **October 3, 2019** _

Why are we here? How did we end up worlds apart when we were closer than bonded souls before? When did we fuck things over, let the destiny define who we can be? Whose fault was it it that we drifted apart, yours or mine? I could only ask the air, for waiting for your answer might be just as hopeless as waiting for an endless hole fill up. I should move on to, move forward, yet I found myself stuck on reliving all our past memories like a drug I can't get enough from. Making everyday a constant reminder of how I fucked things up, or maybe you did, or maybe both of us did. Is till have all the things we bought and shared together, the clothes, the souvenirs from our travels, while you threw everything away. I know you did, you said you wanted to forget so why would you keep it, right? It hasn't even been years since we broke up, yet you already look happy from far away. I wanted to get close to you, but I don't want to ruin you again. 


	3. Letter 2

** _October 5, 2019_ **

I wonder how do you do this everyday. Pretend that we never happened, like I never existed in your life. You look at me like you never shared a past with me, like I am just a passerby in your lifetime, a mere stranger that you never bothered to remember. How do you make it so easy? It's only a few months since we split up but you make it seem like we ended before we even started. I wonder when will I be able to do it like you. But I don't want to forget, not like you who wanted to escape the past like it was the saddest part of your life. Did you really regret it? So much that you'd rather try to act like it never happened than to face that everything ended? But I guess I can't blame you, for every happiness that it caused us, the pain was doubled when it ended. But if you wanted ti forget, I'll be the one remembering it all for us. Maybe in mind, it will replay forever.  
  



	4. Letter 3

**_ October 8, 2019 _ **

The company wanted us to do a collab, and I heard you agreed. I thought you wanted to forget? I thought you wanted no more connection to me? You clearly pointed that out when you cut off all our connections. And because of that, I suddenly had my hopes up, thinking you wanted to return our connection back, even just as friends. But who was i fooling? You really acted like nothing happened. You introduced yourself like I never knew you, acted professional like you wanted me to understand that it was all for work. And all I can do was to pretend I wasn't breaking while you smiled like it never bothered you. Is this all I really am to you?


	5. Letter 4

October 9, 2019

I was suddenly sent to the hospital because I suddenly felt dizzy and fell from the stairs. I hoped you would visit me, like you always said before. But I guess I overestimated my worth. I should've realized that you're over me now. I would be getting out next week, and I still hope you would come over just to check if i'm still breathing. It never mattered to me if I'm just getting my hopes up, I just need to tell myself that you will.


	6. Letter 5

** _October 16, 2019_ **

Writing this letters has helped me with sorting out my feelings for a bit, but I know that forgetting you wouldn't be easy. To be honest, i started writing this letters to remind you of our past, but now it became my therapy, also I know myself, I would never be able to send this to you. but if ever in the future that I did, I just want you to know I am willing to everything to have you back in my life, even if just as your friend again.


	7. Letter 6

** _October 18, 2019_ **

I've been going to the doctors again. Off and Arm kept yelling at me, telling me to get checked up because of the frequent headaches I was getting. I know they're just over reacting. But I still went since they wouldn't stop nagging me if I didn't. Actually, Off slipped and said that if you were the one who scolded me, I would listen instantly. He isn't wrong though. He knows how much I love you. I hope you knew too.


	8. Letter 7

** _October 21, 2019_ **   
  


The director called me in his office today, he said he's getting complaints about my constant forgetfulness. I mean, I am acting for two different movies, I sometimes mix up things. That's normal right? But it doesn't seem normal for them since I need to go to the hospital again to get checked. I need to postpone our taping again because of this. I'm sorry if i messed up your schedule for this. I know you're pissed off when you heard the postpone notice, I hope they just listened to me when I said that I was fine. I'm sorry for the inconvenience I caused again.


	9. Letter 8

**_ October 26, 2019 _ **   
  


I know you were mad as the producer yelled at me for messing my lines for the hundredth time today. I don't know why I can't seem to remember my lines properly. I guess this is just stress, but maybe the stress you feel is so much than mine. It's evident by the way you went and asked me if I'm fucking around on purpose to make you stay longer with me. I wish that was my reason too, but I really wanted this to be quick for you. But my processing isn't siding with my plans, sorry for that. I'll stop messing up, I'm sorry.


	10. Letter 9

October 30,2019

These letters are piling up aren't they?And I still haven't sent a single one to you. I really am coward, it must be the reason why we ended up like this. Maybe if I didn't try to act tough and really just be tough and fought for you, maybe you'd still be here. Or maybe not because I'll fuck up in another way possibly.


	11. Letter 10

November 5, 2019  
  


I forgot to write for a long time, I just remembered when I saw the pile on my drawer. Well, maybe the doctors are right. The doctors called my manager because they found something wrong with me. That's why I left the set suddenly. I know you wouldn't mind since my parts were over. My manager talked to them and I just waited outside since she wanted me to rest while waiting for her. As soon as she came back, she looked a bit like she cried, but she told me that the doctors just found nothing. I knew it, I know I'm healthy.


	12. Letter 11

**_ November 13, 2019 _ **   
  


Finally, we ended the shoot. everyone was happy because they can finally do something else that yell cut when I mess up. I heard you were gonna take over my part from the movie i was supposed to act to. I'm not mad, I'm actually relieved you get more projects now, the producer wanted someone who can memorize their lines perfectly. I am getting kinda rusted so they kicked me out, its not a shocker honestly. I will wish you luck.


	13. Letter 12

**_ November 16, 2019 _ **

Weirdly, my manager is making my schedule free, so most of the time I'm just at home. I wanted to stay at our shared apartment, well, used to be shared, but I forgot our passcode and I'm too afraid to ask you. How did I forget something important?


	14. Letter 13

November 18, 2019  
  


My manager asked me what your favorite food was, and I thought that was an easy question, but guess what? I forgot. It seems like I keep forgetting some things no matter its importance to me. I can't help but think my manager is hiding something from me.


	15. Letter 14

I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget you. I don't want to forget us, Hin. I want to remember all the happiness yet I can't. It's like I'm forced to forget you, and I keep on trying yet it just hurts my head. Please, I want to remember us. I don't want to forget you. I don't want to, Hin.


	16. Present // Last Letter

"Hey New, sorry I'm late, the traffic was so bad and I-" Gun stopped talking when he saw his best friend on the ground, crying his eyes out. He rushed to his side and New cried on his shoulders. He noticed the opened letters scattered on the floor, indicating that the latter has read all of it. He understood and let his best friend cry for a while.  
  


"Are you okay now? Let me get you some water, sit down for a while." Gun stood up and let New sit on the Sofa before getting a glass of water from the kitchen. He gave the water to his now kinda calm best friend.   
  


"Gun, I messed up. i should've asked him, no I should've forgiven him yet I acted like an asshole and ignored him instead. This, this is all my-" a slap stopped the man from talking.  
  


"New, don't give me the 'This is all my fault.' shit. This thing wasn't because of you. Stop it." Gun said, fully knowing what the content of those letter are. He knew for a long while and just waited for Tay's manager to tell him.  
  


"You knew about it, why didn't you tell me? I could've at least tell him that I never forget."  
  


"Then what? You'd stay because you feel pity for Tay? That's too cruel for him, New. You'd hurt him without the both of you noticing it."  
  


"Where is he? ii want to see him, Gun."  
  


"His manager told you to call her right? Do that." Gun said and gave New his phone. Confused, but he still did it.  
  


"Manager, where is he?" he asked directly as soon as the other picked up.  
  


"He's at the same place as he was before, he never left." the manager's voice cracked as she ended the call. New stood up from the sofa and dressed himself. Gun can only look at his best friend sadly as he picked up the scattered letters and placed the neatly on the table. The world can be cruel, but fate is much more unfair. that's all he can think of, knowing that what his friend will see will wreck the man apart, but it's for his own good too.  
  


"I'd drive you there." Gun said as he saw New rushing to the door. They went and got in the car before driving away.   
  


New's mind was filled of questions, what ifs, and regrets the whole ride. He thought, what if he was the one who did anything to save their relationship? What if he didn't let the pain consume him? What if he was the one who fixed things instead? What if he was the one who tried to patch up the broken relationship? What if he stopped blaming Tay and just did something instead? All he knows is he will help Tay this time.  
  


They arrived and parked in front of the apartment Tay stayed in. New went in first while Gun followed him silently. All he knows is that whatever happens, he would be there to support New when needed. They opened the apartment and looked around. The place was clean, just like the way he saw it before. He was walking to Tay's bedroom when Gun stopped him. The guys looked at him and held his hand tightly.  
  


"New, please stay strong." Gun said before letting go of New's hands. New felt that something was wrong. He continued walking and stopped at the door. He gently opened the door. No one. There was no one inside Tay's bedroom. Confused, New looked around, hoping to see that Tay was just in the bathroom, but no one was there. He felt his chest tighten as he tried to ignore that thought he has for a while. It can't be. It can't be too late. He used his phone to call the number that's been blocked for a while, hoping to hear the latter's voice in the next line, only to hear it ring on the table by the window.  
  


His breath hitched as he walked towards it. His tears slowly brimming and falling out of his eyes as he realizes what happened. He stopped in front of the table, looking at the picture beside a marble Urn set on the table.  
  


It was Tay. His love, smiling so brightly like the sun that was once his, was the one in the picture. New's heart started breaking as he knew he was too late. Too late to say sorry, too late tell him everything that he kept inside him. His cries started getting louder as he loses control of the pain he feels at the moment, making Gun run inside and try to calm him down.  
  


"Gun, I'm too late, so late...so fucking late. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, just please if this a joke I wouldn't be mad, just tell me it is a joke. Please, Gun, please. I need to talk to him, please, please,please... tell me that's not him... please. I love him, I still do, I'm sorry if I lied, i'm so sorry." New's pleads and cries broke Gun's walls and he cried along with his friend, knowing that he couldn't help him in anyway.  
  


"New, I'm sorry. but he's gone. Please, he didn't want you to be like this. stay strong for him, New. That's all you could do for him, for now." Gun whispered at New while wiping his friend's tears away. New looked at the table again, grabbing the picture of his former lover. As he grabbed it, a letter fell from behind the frame. He wiped his tears and opened the letter.  
  


**______________________________________________ **

Dearest Hin,

By the time you see this, I might've failed you. I know I promised I would remember us right? But I guess I might be so full of myself , thinking I can. I am losing my memory Hin, slowly losing my ability remember anything. I can barely remember you. I couldn't tell you this, and I couldn't let you know, I know you will be mad at me once again. I only have a month left, the doctors told my manager it was just mild memory loss, but they were mistaken. In a month, i will be unable to remember how to talk, breathe and live. And I would hate myself forever to let you see me like that. I'm sorry if this selfish of me, but I want you to continue being happy without me, Hin. I love and I swear to God I would do anything to have more time to tell you that I still and will love you. But for now, all I could do was say goodbye in this way.

You've been my sky for a long time, Hin. The Sky that I needed so I could shine. But for now, please be your own sky and let yourself shine. I would still be here even when I'm past, just look at the sky and remember me with a smile. I love you my sky, my Hin, my everything. I am always proud of you.

Your Sun,

Tay Tawan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for reading my first work here! If you want easy reading, you can read this in wattpad too. I also posted it there. Thank you again and stan TayNew!


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